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Everything Wrong With Plants vs. Zombies 1 In X Minutes Or Less Part 2

Part 2 of this blog.

I can't get the number list to start at 147...I'll give the total number of sins at the bottom of the blog though.

  1. In the Almanac, why does it list recharge timers as "fast", "slow" and "very slow"? Surely fast, medium and slow would work better?
  2. Sunlight and carbon dioxide are all a Peashooter needs to shoot out peas, something that no plant can actually do no matter how much sunlight or carbon dioxide they get.
  3. Sunflowers are not essential, like the Almanac says. Especially at night, due to Sun-shrooms.
  4. Funny, Sunflower bounces to a beat only she can hear, when most plants bob from side to side as well.
  5. How do the Cherry Twins have time for intense consultation when they explode almost instantly?
  6. Explodonate isn't a word.
  7. Powie sounds nothing like an explosion.
  8. If Wall-nut doesn't feel pain when being chewed on, why does he start frowning?
  9. Potato Mine doesn't really need to worry about an investment strategy when he's going to self-destruct soon.
  10. Spudow sounds nothing like an explosion.
  11. "that damage and slow the enemy". You mean enemies.
  12. Snow Pea can roll his eyes?
  13. Chomper ate his agent, despite it probably not being a zombie.
  14. Eating agents isn't part of the business. It's not part of any business.
  15. The Almanac doesn't explain how Repeater is able to shoot faster than Peashooter.
  16. Surely this is in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, how can anyone not be aware of the existence of zombies? What is Puff-shroom, an idiot?
  17. Sun-shroom hates sun so much he is probably a vampire.
  18. Fume-shrooms fumes are deadly, doesn't using spores from such a deadly mushroom in a bakery break some kind of health code regulation?
  19. Grave Buster's appearance is apparently fearsome.
  20. Surely Hypno-shroom should be working at the zombie rehabilitation center, not Grave Buster?
  21. According to Hypno-shroom, zombies play a valuable role in our ecology. And yet, somehow, I think we could live without brain-eaters.
  22. Also, only Hypno-shroom can do anything to bring them around to our way of thinking, and yet he says "we can and should do more"
  23. "stops shooting when enemy is close". WHEN ENEMIES ARE CLOSE. SORT OUT YOUR F**KING GRAMMAR!
  24. Scaredy-shroom seems to be afraid of anything except clowns, one of the most widely feared things ever.
  25. Ice-shroom's face is paralyzed. That's so ironic.
  26. "Doom-shrooms destroy everything in a large area" Except plants, graves, Gargantuars, Giga-gargantuars, and so on.
  27. Also, Doom-shroom is a nuke.
  28. Doom sounds nothing like an explosion.
  29. According to the Almanac, Lily Pad doesn't talk. And he is a good guy. So he's a silent protagonist.
  30. "Squashes will smash the first zombie..." SMASH??? It's a Squash, not a Smash!
  31. Squash seems very eager to fight zombies, despite that causing him to die.
  32. Also, "put me in!" and "I need this!" seem like they COULD have secondary meanings.
  33. If there's a joke in Threepeater's flavour text, it went over my head.
  34. "I'll just hide here just below the surface" More than half of you is above the surface, you're doing a f**king bad job of hiding!
  35. Also, if Tangle Kelp always tries to stay invisible and hidden, how does he have friends?
  36. Jalapeno's flavour text sounds like a bad s*x scene. "Oh so soon" "It's close" "He can feel it" "NNNNNGGGGG" Yep. Definitely.
  37. I don't understand why a weed would like hockey or why he'd be terrified of pucks.
  38. Wait, Garden Warfare weaponized ice pucks. Maybe he predicts the future.
  39. Torchwood is a TV series.
  40. "turns peas into fireballs" You mean fire peas!
  41. Torchwood can't read, but he'd be great at book burning.
  42. Tall-nut "can't be vaulted or jumped over" despite both those words meaning basically the same thing.
  43. Sea-shroom's recharge shouldn't be slow. That's unfair.
  44. Plantern's range is listed as "one lane".
  45. Plantern defies science and the other plants don't?
  46. So "-es" is the plural of Cactus that they decided to use, instead of "-i". That's fine, although Cacti is the more widely used plural. What's not fine is when they decide to use "-i" instead of "-es" in the sequel for the plural of Octopus. No continuity there.
  47. Cactus dates an Armadillo. Isn't that an interspecies relationship? And for that matter, does this mean animals in the PvZ universe are intelligent as well as plants and fungi?
  48. Blover's Almanac entry says he blew out 60% of the candles on his fifth birthday. Why not just say three of the candles?
  49. Split Pea is a Gemini, meaning the plants believe in astrology, the biggest load of BS known to man.
  50. Split Pea's back head is just a head-like growth. Yet in PvZ2, it's shown that both heads are intelligent, meaning that the back head is surely more than a head-like growth?
  51. Starfruit got only four cavities in one tooth. I'd have expected five because it's a five-pointed star.
  52. Also, why does Starfruit even have a tooth?
  53. Pumpkin's cousin is in Peggle, meaning that Peggle and PvZ are both in the same universe.
  54. Magnet-shroom's Almanac leaves out the range.
  55. What does "lobbed" range mean? Why do they have to have a separate range listed for catapults?
  56. "Cabbage-pult just doesn't know how the zombies get up on the roof in the first place" Cabbage-pult would be great at CinemaSins.
  57. Also, plants apparently get paid. Is the sun cost the payment?
  58. Flower Pot, you are not also a plant. You are just a pot.
  59. Also, Flower Pot's Almanac entry is WAAAY too short.
  60. Kernel-pults Almanac says that kernels do light damage and butter does normal damage, when kernels are as strong as peas and butter is twice as strong.
  61. There are only three pult brothers? Where does Winter Melon fit into this then? Or Sap-fling? Or Pepper-pult?
  62. Coffee Bean is more hyperactive than Pinkie Pie. Something is wrong in the universe when something is more hyperactive than Pinkie Pie.
  63. Garlic's usage is listed as "on contact", when it's actually "upon biting".
  64. Garlic has a wife, yet no other plant apparently has.
  65. Also, plants shouldn't even HAVE genders. Real plants don't.
  66. Umbrella Leaf is high on Coffee Beans.
  67. Umbrella Leaf is probably friends with Jacks and Pogos.
  68. If Marigold decides which coin to spit out, why doesn't she ALWAYS GIVE US GOLD???
  69. Melon-pult's wrong, sun-for-damage, Puff-shroom and Sea-shroom are more powerful.
  70. How does upgrading a plant work?
  71. Gatling Pea's mouth as four small holes for peas to be shot out from, and yet the peas are still normal-sized.
  72. Also, plants have a military organization, and yet most plants that fight zombies aren't a part of it.
  73. Twin Sunflower is unoriginal.
  74. Twin Sunflower's Almanac is a bad horror movie scene.
  75. Did Dr. Zomboss create Twin Sunflower? It certainly seems like an evil genius created it.
  76. I'm really trying to find a sin in Gloom-shroom's Almanac Entry, really I am, but I can't find anything wrong with it. And a sin-less Almanac Entry counts as a sin.
  77. Grave Buster must surely love Cattail.
  78. Cattail tries just a little too hard to be a dog.
  79. Winter Melon's Almanac implies it shoots slower than Melon-pults and deals more damage.
  80. Winter Melon seems almost as afraid of the zombies as Scaredy-shroom.
  81. Gold Magnet exists.
  82. Gold Magnet collects diamonds.
  83. Gold Magnet collects gold coins even though gold isn't magnetic.
  84. Gold Magnet is gold and magnetic.
  85. Gold Magnet isn't nocturnal.
  86. Aside from the leaves and stalk, Gold Magnet is nothing like any plant.
  87. Gold Magnet has probably got the most sins out of any plant.
  88. Spikerock isn't a plant.
  89. Spikerock has more health than any other plant ever.
  90. Spikerock apparently likes museums, and yet knew almost nothing about them.
  91. How does Cob Cannon's corn explode?
  92. It's not very obvious that Imitater is a potato.
  93. Imitater can't imitate upgrades.
  94. Imitater is nearly forty years old, maybe even more than that. HOW DOES A POTATO LIVE THAT LONG???
  95. Giant Wall-nuts are unoriginal.
  96. Giant Wall-nuts can't be used outside of Wall-nut Bowling, unless you hack.
  97. The basic zombie has no standards when it comes to brains.
  98. Why doesn't Flag Zombie try to eat his flag?
  99. "marks the arrival of a huge pile or "wave" of zombies" Why did they even bother saying pile?
  100. "traffic cone headpiece makes him twice as tough" He has nearly triple the health of a regular zombie.
  101. "Pole Vaulting Zombie vaults with a pole" While the opening line of Almanac entries usually states the obvious, this is just silly.
  102. Why does Buckethead Zombie care about being unique? He's a mindless zombie after all.
  103. I'd freak out too if I was Newspaper Zombie.
  104. Screen Door Zombie's screen door is NOT an effective shield.
  105. Of course Screen Door Zombie stole the door and ate it's owner's brains. What would he do, ask nicely?
  106. Football Zombie has no idea what a football is, yet he remembers that he used to play football.
  107. The first line of Dancing Zombie's Almanac was only funny when it was the MJ Zombie.
  108. "summons back-up dancers" There's usually no hyphen, why is there here?
  109. The undead have music charts.
  110. Zombies have taken over New York City in this world.
  111. Zombies sometimes give up on brains forever when trying to learn how to use ducky tubes? Is there a Hypno-shroom in disguise teaching them about ducky tubes?
  112. Snorkel Zombie's Almanac entry mentions a big flaw with the zombies, a sin from part 1 of this blog. Then it dismisses it with "peer pressure".
  113. Zombonis don't look like space ogres.
  114. GOTY version ruins the Almanac entry of the Zomboni.
  115. Bobsled Team's flavour text starts in the past tense "worked hard" and then moves to present tense "live together, train together and eat brains together".
  116. "The dolphin is also a zombie" You don't say?
  117. Jack-in-the-Box Zombie looks crazy, the almanac doesn't have to confirm my suspicions.
  118. Sproing sounds nothing like an explosion.
  119. Balloon Zombie's almanac doesn't mention the weakness to Cattail, or explosive plants.
  120. Also, I forgot this last time, but how does one balloon hold up the entire zombie?
  121. Digger Zombie bothers with excavation permits?
  122. Why does Digger Zombie spin when he surfaces? All it does is get him dizzy so he walks the wrong way and leaves your brains alone.
  123. Sproing! Is also the sound you hear right before a zombie explodes and the sound of a plant deflecting stuff. Pogo Zombie, you're not the only thing that makes that noise.
  124. The Almanac entry for Zombie Yeti shows that we know quite a lot about it.
  125. "what's the point of being dead if you don't live a little?" That's actually a very valid point. A valid point made by a mindless zombie.
  126. Tell me where Ladder Zombie picked up a ladder for that price.
  127. "basketballs seemed like the best and most obvious choice" In what universe is that obvious, even to a zombie?
  128. Garg can't find a girlfriend? Why do zombies even want girlfriends?
  129. Gargantuar's toughness is extremely high, yet Zomboss's is just extreme.
  130. "Imps are tiny zombies hurled by Gargantuar" GARGANTUARS!
  131. How many people who read the Imp's Almanac entry knew what the melodica is?
  132. "set about establishing absolute dominance of his local subdivision" Start out small I guess...then move onto taking over the entire world.
  133. Trash Can Zombie only exists to be a zombie Wall-nut, and fails at that.
  134. Target Zombie dies when his shield is destroyed.
  135. Why is there an achievement for typing mustache?
  136. No-Cob-No-Explode is stupid. Most people won't use Cob Cannons in their first time beating Last Stand.
  137. Why does Chill Out's description have to rhyme?
  138. Blind Faith and variations of that achievement are usually not identical. Some versions allow Torchwoods, others don't.
  139. Lucky Spin, depending on version, is either insanely hard or really easy to get.
  140. Either way, it's luck-based.
  141. Chilli Free is luck-based.
  142. You can't get Wall-Not Attack in Zombotany 2.
  143. Gotcha! Is luck-based.
  144. ZFF's 4 Evr basically means "Zombie Friends Forever Forever".
  145. Also, shouldn't it be PFF's, Plant Friends Forever?
  146. Alive and Planting is for 40 flags, but Immortal, which sounds a lot harder to get, is just for 20?

Wow, there's more wrong with this game than I thought.

Looks like I'll have to make part 3 for Mini-games, Puzzles, Survival, Shop, and the Zen Garden.

Total sins so far: 292.

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