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Plants vs. Zombies Unsoiled: Kurse of the Kernel

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After the baseball zombies catapult the Gold Sunflower Trophy, bad things (to them, at least) happen.


(READY SET PLANT!)

(the player, or homeowner as I call him, plants a Kernel-pult)

Homeowner: Aw, man!

Kernel-pult: What's the matter?

Homeowner: For some reason, I can never collect coins. Therefore, I am stuck at 994,440 moolah.

Kernel-pult: Moolah?

Homeowner: That's what I'm calling it...

Kernel-pult: (blinks)

Homeowner: ...for now.

Kernel-pult: Hmmm...

Time card: Meanwhile...

Catapult Baseball Zombie: On the count of three!

Baseball Zombie horde: (fast) One, two, three!

(the Catapult Baseball Zombie hurls the Gold Sunflower Trophy into the pool)

All in the scene: YEAH!!!! (in the same tone as Dora the Explorer. I don't care if you don't like it, it's just an allusion.) ♪We did it! We did it!♪ (now in the tone of Conga) ♪We did it, did it, did it! Did it, did it, did it!♪ WE DID IT!

Baseball Zombie 1: And it was more successful than last time...

(a flashback occurs showing a Baseball Zombie eating a Gold Sunflower Trophy only to be blown up just before the sixth bite)

Baseball Zombie 2: And that wasn't worth it.

Baseball Zombie 3: But the good thing is that a trophy was destroyed.

Baseball Zombie 1: As an effigy?

Baseball Zombie 3: Yes, yes it was.

Catapult Baseball Zombie: Let's just go away and no evil spirits are up to haunt us.

(during that last line, Kernel-pult is revealed to have been listening and watching the event)

Kernel-pult: Homeowner?

Homeowner: Yes?

Kernel-pult: Use Cheat Engine to make them lose.

Homeowner: Okay.

(A montage shows them (the zombies) "tryin'-n-dyin'", as I call it.)

Homeowner: Somehow, I can't win with this curse in the way.

Kernel-pult: Neither can the zombies.

Homeowner: When will you lift this curse?

Kernel-pult: When they find the trophy.

(another montage plays, this time showing various failed attempts to retrieve the trophy, one of which includes a Snorkel Baseball Zombie jumping into the pool... and drowning)

Zombies: Okay, WE GIVE UP!

Kernel-pult: Good!

(the 30th home run is shot and all zombies die. the homeowner picks up a new Gold Sunflower Trophy, subsequently bringing him to the maximum amount of money)

Kernel-pult: I guess I can lift the curse. Go to Cheat Engine.

Homeowner: Yes, sir!

Time card: 25 years later:

(remember that Snorkel Baseball Zombie that drowned? He survived.)

Baseball Snorkel Zombie: Hey, what's this? (gasps) IT'S THE GOLD SUNFLOWER TROPHY intact. I should bring this to the surface. (surfaces) Hey, guys, I FOUND THE TROPHY! THE LONG LOST TROPHY! Hello? Anyone? (notices the home is a museum) Maybe I can donate this.


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